In this article fantasy does not literarily mean that a women private lust for another man spell doom for the marital relationship. There’s no scientific evidence that when a woman thinking about cheating means she will actually stray.
Fantasies are just a way for her to indulge a primitive urge for sexual variety while staying true to her spouse, “Human beings are aroused by novelty and newness”. Fantasy is a part of our anthropological mission to spread our seed. Sexual fantasies let a woman create that newness in her head—rather than in her bed.” It doesn’t mean she loves the husband any less. In fact, it’ll help her stay committed by scratching that novelty itch without actually crossing any lines. “Fantasies are the number one thing that help monogamy survive long term”. And besides, men do the same thing all the time. According to the Vermont study, 98 percent of men imagine having sex with other women. (The other 2 percent are liars, we suspect.) “Sometimes when couples are together for a long time, they get to know each others’ bodies so well that they play the same strings over and over”.
It was observed by experts that most women — regardless of their marital relationship status — fantasize about sexual activities that they’re not currently experiencing. It was asserted that, “It’s completely natural for women to fantasize about other men. Even if they are in a committed relationship and in love with your partner, that doesn’t mean that they will find other men sexually attractive,” explains sex expert Nikki Ransom-Alfred. “We are sexual beings with wants and desires; men aren’t the only ones who daydream about sex.”
It’s when those fantasies interfere with real life that we may experience problems, like in most traditions in Nigeria it is considered as an abomination for a woman to have extra-marital affairs or fantasize about other men outside wedlock. “It’s wise to be conscious of what the purpose of this fantasy may be. “Often fantasies, like dreams, are revelatory of our deeper psychological wishes. A woman can ask herself: What do I need? It could be more passion, more attention, to feel powerful or sexy. When you can understand what it is you are longing for, then you can develop a plan for making that a reality in life.”
In fact, too often women rely on fantasies to fulfill their needs rather than ask their partner for what they want. And that’s where the trouble, especially when you’re married, comes in. “Women who don’t know how to ask for what they want are more prone to fantasy and negative assessment of their husband.
But rather than trying to stop fantasizing altogether, it is better off for couples/women to express their desires to their spouse. “As a sexual being, having fantasies is a normal and natural thing that boosts our sexual desire and arousal,” says Ransom-Alfred. “Studies have shown that those who have frequent sexual fantasies have a higher sex drive and sexual satisfaction, higher chance of orgasm, and are more sexually open in the bedroom. These are all qualities that we want to have in your marriage.”
Finally, it is advisable that women avoid fantasizing about men they actually know. “It is not good to fantasize about someone close to you like a friend or co-worker. Also, having sexual fantasies about someone close to you could lead to confusing feelings for that person in real life; it’s not worth the risk.” Instead, bring the aspects of your fantasies into your relationship with your husband. “You don’t want to be a wild, adventurous sex goddess in your fantasies and not in real life, bring that passion into your relationship as well to maintain your exciting sex life. Also, allow yourself to be ‘taken away’ by your fantasies and overcome with desire so you can take all of that passion out on your spouse. He will not complain!”
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