This article refers to marriages and long standing relationships, however the term, marriage will be used henceforth. There is no panacea for problems of marriages; each has its peculiarities. Some causes of failed marriages appear quite common and they would be discussed below.
1. Lack of Respect
In marriages, there are two types of respect, Respect for the Institution of Marriage and Respect for the Spouse.
Marriage is an institution recognised by God, Law, tradition, society and religion. It is guided written and unwritten laws such as societal mores. One could as a youth do anything before marriage but the vows change everything. Late nights are reduced or become non-existent, you must inform your spouse of your where-about; in some societies, the women must seek the husband’s permission before doing anything including visiting parents. The man can no longer hang out with friends without discussing first with the wife. Even to change your job must be discussed as the outcome affects the whole family. So the institution of marriage must be respected; failure to do this could lead to failed marriage.
Respect for spouse A,K.A. Mutual respect is necessary for a successful marriage. A lot of women are very rude to their husbands; this can destroy a marriage. If you are a career woman, do not talk to your husband the way you cannot talk to your boss in the office. Use that as a bench mark and you will not fail. Some men talk down to their wives, some even when in the company of friends, that is very wrong. You must talk to her and about her with respect;she is your wife and she deserves that.
Some men behave like beasts, shout and command their wives; that is a recipe for a failed marriage.
2. Lack of Intimacy
Spending intimate time with your spouse is necessary for the spark in the marriage; it does not mean sex alone, it could be just spending quality time together; just lying close in bed or watching TV or going out for dinner. To be really close, regular sex is mandatory; our sexual appetites are different, we must strike a balance.
Marriages of some career women break down because of lack of regular sex and attention to their spouse. The career women must strive to strike a balance at the home front otherwise she is not a successful career woman. You are not successful if your home is sad.
3. Infidelity/Absence of Love
Marriage should be based on love though love alone is not enough. A marriage without is doomed to fail. A forced marriage never subsists, while love may not exist in some marriages at the beginning, it could come with time. It is hard to forgive in a loveless marriage or overlook certain traits. It is said that only the man is expected to love, that is not true; the love of the woman appears even stronger; that is why once a woman decides on marrying a particular man, even the parents find it extremely difficult to convince her otherwise.
Infidelity is a very serious offence in a marriage in any society but infidelity by the woman is much more serious in any society whether Western or African. See what happens in Western Europe and America.
The man sees a woman as his possession and can die to protect that possession and so cannot process someone else sleeping with her. In most cases even in the western world, infidelity by the woman leads to divorce. Women are more forgiving or society tolerates infidelity by men.
4. Financial problems
Bills, rents, extravagant spending and inadequate earnings can lead to lead to a failed marriage. Failure to meet expectations especially by the man can break a marriage. Spouses must be open to each other about earning and spending habits. Joint and separate accounts are advisable; a joint account to run the family and then individual accounts. In some cultures, the man decides what the wife does with her money; woman, know the culture of your would-be husband or his position on the issue.
5. Poor communication
Proper communication can prevent marriage failure; discuss your fears and expectations with your spouse. Nothing should be too embarrassing to discuss; choose an appropriate time, maybe after dinner while watching the TV( not football or romantic soap operas) or weekend afternoons BUT not while he/she is eating or in the dead of the night. SOME WOMEN WAKE UP THEIR HUSBANDS TO DISCUSS IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT. That is horrible
Never fail to say sorry when wrong or appreciate a good deed. This applies to both spouses.
Nagging kills a marriage; instead, discuss the problems.
6. Family problems
Some marriages fail because of problems arising from both mothers/parents, siblings, step-children and sister in-laws. Different religious faiths can sometimes be a problem. Mother-in-law interference in the son’s marriage; claiming to know the son’s preferences better than the wife, can also break a marriage. The husband’s siblings wanting to control the wife and sometimes the wife’s brothers protecting their sister over-zealously if not well handled can kill a marriage.
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7. Infertility
Childlessness can lead to failed marriage in societies where having children is important. This should not be as couples can take advantage of surrogacy, adoption and assisted pregnancy.
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